One Year

Bleu in her Janie + Jack birthday hat from Great Aunt Mary.




Bleu girl was born at 6:48 a.m. on a sunny Sunday in April. Today she is ONE. I kissed her good morning and {on her birth minute} wished her a lifetime of happiness, just as my mom always did for me. It was a surreal experience. I wondered right then if I really took the time to see and hear and feel and taste every part of this past year. Because I know I can't have it back.



When I was pregnant with Bleu strangers would stop me and the Bubster on the street and politely warn us that going from 1 to 2 would rock our world. Thanks, I thought. But they were right. Our world grew leaps and bounds the second Bleu arrived. She rocked the house with her great gummy smile and deliciously chubby toes. She was a lil' person with a big personality from day 1. She stole the hearts of all the boys in my life. She taught me how to do everything with one hand. She ate and barfed and ate and barfed. And never pooped. She outgrew her clothes faster than I could rip off the tags. She watched Buby and I cheer on every mini milestone with equal weight. She stood up early and grew teeth late. She had us at hello, baby. We thanked God every day for our life.



Over the year I felt guilty I couldn't give Buby the same undivided ME that he always had and still demanded. The break-in period as he went from only to older totally broke my heart. I felt guilty every time I wasn't able to lay with him for hours and tell stories the way we used to. Now I had a squirmy, hungry, tired babes who needed me, too. I felt guilty that Bleu would never know the awesomeness of being an only child... of being the center of the universe... for a time. Dynamics changed. Love ballooned. Adventures continued as we transitioned to a family of 4.



I can say now it was by far the happiest, most fulfilling, emotionally draining, sleep deprived year of my life. I stuck with my breastfeeding {she's never had formula}, and I'll continue to do so until she wants to wean. I stuck with my gut and my no-cry philosophy, even when others told me to abandon it. I missed My Sweets 14 hours a day and wished for moms and dads and cousins to live closer. But every day the kids and I got out and experienced lots of new. We never stopped living the way we always had. We smelled the roses and ate the snow. We read and painted. We danced and climbed. And in the quiet moments I thanked my lucky stars for the chance to know these little beings so well. Nothing compares to all the firsts of the first year. And nothing excites the soul like watching your children love each other. I'm glad I was here.



If I had a glass right now I'd raise it to Buby for being such a cool little man. And I would toast to Bleu's infancy. And I would promise both of them that it just keeps getting more fun every year. Because it does.

Bleu on 4.26.09.